Giving up, you may have felt that you should bring some {positive) reinforcements if your parents were super negative. You may proudly show B+ on a math test – full -class improvement from a recent quiz – only for your parents to ask: “Where is it?” It is common to constantly replay this memory as a tape as an adult and apply it in other situations.
“When a parent is constantly negative or critical, it can distort their idea,” says D -Em Emily Guanota, Psy.d., PMH-C, psychologist and owner of Phoenix Health. “[Their kids] It may feel like nothing they do is not good enough, and over time, it can lead to chronic self -esteem, low self -esteem and difficulty in relationships, decision making and emotional regulation in adulthood. “
In other words? If this describes your childhood, it is not surprising if you contact a lot (or all) from 12 traits psychologists say they are common in adults who grew up with “super negative” parentsS
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12 common features of people raised by “super negative” parents, say psychologists
1. Perfectionism
Saying that your A- is not good enough, it was just the beginning. Understandably, you can now struggle to accept something less than perfection if you grew up, believing that something less is a failure.
“[You] Can it chase impossible standards just to avoid criticism or rejection, “says D -R Guanota.” Over time, this can lead to chronic stress [and] Burning. “
Related: People who were “too competitive” in childhood often develop these 16 traits like adults, say psychologists
2. Fear of failure
This trait is another trap of parents who were not fine with mistakes.
“Mistakes may have been punished as a child or used to create shame,” saysD -H Holly Schiff, Psy.d.. A licensed clinical psychologistS “As an adult, he can avoid the risk, to be obsessed with the result of things, and see failure as a personal drawback.”
However, Schiff emphasizes that there is no shame to need the failures after this type of upbringing.
“This fear is really about emotional survival,” she says.
3. Difficulty with trust
Our parents are the first people with whom many of us form relationships and teach us how to “contact” others, explains D -C Crystal Sidi, Psy. G., A licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. Super negative parenting styles can follow a raw lesson plan.
“[Kids with super-negative parents] What has been learned about this can lead to criticism, so they maintain an emotional distance to avoid the injury, “she explains.” When a person does not get emotional safety in childhood, the confidence of others may seem risky or unknown. “
4. Chronic Self -see
In decision -making processes, people raised by super negative parents can fight “paralysis by analysis”.
“If a parent is always second to the choice of their child, this child begins to question his own judgment,” says Dr. Guanota. “As adults, they can fight for decision -making and excessively seek reassurance from others.”
For example, Sidi says that your application by dreaming of a dream job may remain in your draft folder forever.
Related: The people who were told to be “too sensitive” as children usually develop these 14 traits like adults, say psychologists
5. Raw inner critic
A strong and rude inner critic does not help with self -seeming. Voice hyper focus at one point you took during a work presentation, not all the compliments you received afterwards may sound just like your super negative parent.
“The negative voice they often hear from growing becomes internalized,” explains Dr. Saidi.
6. Auxiliaries
Children with super negative parents are struggling to acquire validation and can look for it in adulthood.
“When love and approval are conditional, children learn to prioritize the needs of other people to avoid criticism,” said Dr. Guanota. “As adults, they can fight boundaries and have a hard time saying no. They can sacrifice their own needs for others. “
7. Emotional suppression
Guanota reports that adults who have grown up with heavy, critical parents often learn to bury their emotions.
“Growing up in a home where feelings have been fired or met with negativism can teach children to bottle their feelings,” she says. “As adults, they can fight vulnerability, which can lead to difficulties in relationships and emotional isolation.”
8. Pessimism
Can you really blame yourself for the one you have gone through?
“Super-negative parents can often express fear and hopelessness,” explains Dr. Guanota. “Children learn this and grow up, expecting the worst or always waiting for something to go wrong. This makes it difficult to enjoy the present moment or take health risks.”
Related: child psychologists ask parents and grandparents to start using this one of the confidence of confidence phrase
9. Increased disappointment and less tolerance
Pessimism, emotional suppression, perfectionism and fear of failure create a “perfect” storm that can cause this threat.
“The adults who are raised by the careful care that are constantly negative has expectations that things will not work, they will not be recognized when things are doing and experience less understanding for others if situations do not turn out to be the way they hope,” reveals Dr. Breta A. Bill, Psy.d., Director of Mental Health at the Audrey Hepburn Children’s House, Medical Center of Hackensak University. “As such, the adults raised in a negative environment tend to be permanent frustration.”
10. Control or lack of adjustment ability
Life can feel like a series of rotating – Toddlers wake up early and kidnapping your morning routine or meeting can be late. People who have grown up in super negative households can struggle to adapt.
“The environments that are constantly negative do not allow children to explore and when a study occurs, they are often ridiculed or exhorted,” explains Dr. Bill.
As a result, he says that people may have strict expectations for how things should go. They can want others to have the same standards and come out as control, inflexible and super negative.
11. Increased anxiety
The pursuit of perfectionism and negative internal monologue is part of a recipe for anxiety.
“When their actions or the actions of others are routinely questioned, with a minimal space for lack of success or a lack of success, adults experience increased anxiety caused by the increased expectations they hold for themselves,” says Dr. Bill.
12. Sustainability
In a positive note, Dr. Billor says that people who have grown up with super negative parents-who can think about the experience-they can experience a silver lining: durability.
“When we allow a place for both a critical assessment of ourselves and others, while learning from experience, we are more capable of managing situations and experiences that are less than the ideal ones,” says Dr. Bill.
Related: 11 phrases to use this communication “you hurt me”, according to psychologists
Healing tips from a super negative childhood
1. Establish your childhood experience
Avoid telling yourself to “just overcome it and continue it” because it was “long ago”.
“Do not minimize what you have passed,” emphasizes Dr. Saidi. “Your pain is valid. A journal with prompts like:” What did I have to hear as a child? “It can help because it allows you to name your experiences and allows you to start true healing.”
Related: How to validate one’s feelings according to a clinical psychologist
2. Learn to recognize and challenge your inner critic
Just because your internal criticHe says Something is true does not mean that it is.
“As for the negative conviction of yourself, as” I am horrified with people, “you can ask yourself questions like” Is this always true? “Or” Is it sounding like something that someone else told me? ” “When you can recognize that faith is not faith in 100% of the time, you can replace it with something more positive and constructive by” working on my skills for people. “
She says this step can lay the foundation for her own value.
3. Practical limits setting
This takes work.
“When you grew up, feeling that your needs do not matter, learning to establish yourself probably does not come naturally,” says Dr. Guanota.
It offers to give yourself permission to put your needs in the first place – it’s worth it.
“Borders help you protect your energy and protect you,” explains Dr. Guanota.
4. Look for therapy
Dr. Guanota says that a therapist specializing in childhood trauma can be useful to help you work through your experience. Dr. Schiff agrees.
“Healing does not happen isolated,” says D -R Ciff.
5. Allow a place to understand
Having empathy and compassion for your super-negative parents can be a challenge, especially if you are fighting as a result. However, D -R Bill recommends in the end to try it for the sake of yourself.
“Allow a place to understand that the negativity of our care may not have been from a place for malice,” he suggested. “Through curiosity and gratitude to self -refining, we are strengthened to learn from experience, not to repeat what had a negative impact.”
Forward:
Related: The daughters of emotionally immature parents often develop these 7 traits as adults
Sources:
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Dr. Breta Bill, Psy.D., Director of Mental Health at Audrey Hepburn Children’s House, Medical Center of Hackensak University