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“You just always have to be healthy.”
A former associate told me that he was telling me this at every group work when I ordered a salad or something else vegetarian I was at the time. She always said it in a way that suggested that she had perceived what was on my plate as an insult to whatever she was eating. It wasn’t, of course.
Her constant comments on what I ate, they usually made others in the group laugh and ask me dozens of questions about my dishes. Why did I eat this, not that? Was I on a diet? All the questions and I’m talking about what I ate for lunch made me so self -conscious that I skipped these group lunches when possible.
The habit of commenting on what others eat is common, said Heather Baker, a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of eating disorders and a wellness center for prosperity in Hardon, Virginia. “It’s a way to build a connection with someone else,” Baker said. “Food is the universal community we share, so it is natural that we have that desire to comment on it.”
But this can be harmful, she added.
“Comments on food and nutrition can be difficult for someone with eating disorder or for someone who is alarmed to eat other people,” said Dr. Evelyn Atia, a psychiatrist and director of the New York Food Disorders Center for Westchestra, HUFFPOST told HUFFPOST.
Atia said these remarks, even if they were well-intentioned, could make some people feel judged, ashamed and self-conscious.
Experts say that when you doubt, it is best not to comment on what others eat. Therefore, which claims are particularly harmful and what to do if you often hear these types of comments.
Why you should not comment on what others eat
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The simple answer: You never know what someone else goes through and why they eat what they eat, Britney Lauro, a leading therapist in the platform for the treatment of eating disorders, Huffpost told.
Someone could cope or recover from an eating disorder, for example, and Loro said he noted how healthy they eat or that they “are good” by eating vegetables, can come across praise for their condition.
People can also have health conditions where dietary changes, such as gluten -based or plant -based, are needed, explained Melissa Preston, a licensed professional advisor, a registered nutritionist and co -founder of Omni Counseling and Nutrition in Denver, Colorado.
Beyond health, people from different cultures may have experienced ashamed of what they eat in the past, and comments can cause repetition of these feelings, Preston added.
The bottom line is, Baker said, “There is no way to know how someone will interpret a comment on food, even if there is good intentions behind it.”
6 things you should never tell the people you dine with
While Lauro said she believes most comments about what others eat are well-intentioned, she said it is generally best to avoid being noted. Here are some phrases that you should never tell the people you dine with:
“I would never eat ___.”
Indicating how you avoid eating anything in someone’s plate, for some reason it can make them feel ashamed, Preston said. It also enhances dietary culture and may seem to compare your body to theirs, added Baker, especially if you say something like, “I could never eat so much sugar or would be over.”
“You won’t eat all this, will you?”
Statements like this can make someone feel judged for their choice of nutrition, Atia said. Also, avoid commenting on your own size or completeness of your plate-“I ate too much”, for example, which can make someone feel self-conscious of what he eats, Baker said.
“Oh, you are good today (or bad).”
Avoid labeling foods as “good” or “bad” or “healthy” or “unhealthy”, Loro said. For example, if you say, “Isn’t it so unhealthy to eat for breakfast,” this can encourage a sense of shame and activate for some people. She emphasized the concept “All foods that are fit”, which means there is room for all foods in someone’s diet. “Nothing is out of bounds unless, of course, you have no food allergy,” she said.
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A concept of healthy food
“Are you a diet?”
“Never comment on how food will affect someone’s body,” such as accumulating or losing weight, “Preston said. On the reverse, avoid talking negatively about your own appearance in connection with what you eat in the presence of others, added Loro.
“I live from a phrase I often hear in my area:” My appearance is the less interesting thing about me, “Loro said. “There are so many topics that we can reach.”
“You look healthy.”
This may sound like a compliment, but Baker said he could be misinterpreted by someone with a eating disorder, which means that they have gained weight, which can “start a spiral of negative autonomy.”
She said, “Instead, comment on the aspects of a person’s personality or independence, which you notice more and are grateful to contact again.”
“That looks good.”
This is complicated. In some cases it may be harmless. But Preston said that some people, especially those in the recovery of eating disorders, do not want attention, which is turning to their diet.
“Giving someone to know that their food seems delicious, it can be tested as a message that suggests that they indulge in their choice of food or do not appreciate their health in their choice of food,” Atia said.
How to answer what others say for what You Eat
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If you often hear these types of comments and they bother you, Attia suggests developing a strategy for responding and coping. This may vary depending on your relationship with the person and how comfortable you feel to turn to remarks.
First, avoid agreeing with the commentator and join the labeling of food or discuss whether you should eat it or not, Preston said. “This is what the person expects in response, comments such as:” I should not eat this. “
Often changing the topic is the best strategy. When someone says, “It looks really healthy,” say, “Oh, it tastes really good,” Preston suggested. This takes attention from the health aspect.
Directing can also help, Loro said. When someone brings something you do not want to discuss, ask them for something completely unrelated, like Beyonce’s new countryside album or other current event.
If you feel comfortable being direct, Baker just said to say, “Can’t we talk about food or bodies?”
Loro said he is always kind to yourself, sets boundaries and knowing your boundaries regarding what is comfortable (and not comfortable) to discuss.
If you are struggling with eating disorder, call either text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org for maintenance. This article originally appeared on Huffpost.
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